I have always battled the scale. I was a slim adolecent, but once puberty hit, I became a fat magnet, and for as long as I can remember I thought of myself as fat. Two years ago, I hit my all time low, or high depending on how you look at it. My highest weight, but my lowest point emotionaly. I had gotten used to being heavy, and guess I convinced myself over and over agian that I was OK with it, but honestly I was NOT. I was a skinny gal trapped in a fat girl's body. I would have moments when I would "forget" and blissfully go through an hour or two just fine, then I catch a glimpse of my reflection somewhere and "remember". Oh Yeah... YOU ate the skinny me... /sigh/
My husband also struggles with his weight, but he is a disciplined dieter and an efficient exerciser, my complete OPPOSITE. Being the wonderful wife I am, I would always sabotage him (I KNOW shame on me), but I think that was part of my selfish self hating personality. But, he is so wonderful, he would never say anything and always complied with my misbehavior . It got so bad that when he said he wanted to go out with the fellas... I got SUPER excited, cause this meant I could convince him to bring me late night Taco Bell or something.. Yeah, food was ALL I could think about. I was, am a food addict.
Then one day, I believe the gremlins were a little over one, they would scream french fries EVERY time we passed the golden arches. THAT'S when I realized.... "I'm gonna break them". I am teaching them all wrong and someday they will find themselves just like their mom. Ashamed to be in social situations, leaving behind things they loved to do because they no longer can, ostracizing friends for the sheer embarrassment of what they looked like, and the "looks". Life really IS different when you are heavy.
I decided that from that moment on, I will do my BEST to lose weight and be healthy, and in the process support my better half. I changed the way we cooked, I became more active, and I started NOT fighting for that parking spot right in front of the door. I've lost 130lbs so far, and I'd LOVE about 30lbs more. Well, while I was in the Dominican Republic this summer I lost 12lbs, unfortunately soon after returning, they found my hips again, and my thighs, and my belly (and no matter HOW I try to teach them the way back to my ass, they avoid it like the plague)... I was not too happy. I started to think about what it was I was doing different there, since I was not dieting or excercising there, and short of just returning forever (which I'd gladly do if hubby permitted) I was stumped.
X0X0 Always 0X0X,