Thursday, September 15, 2011

A battle with the scale


http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/03/Feet_on_scale.jpgI have always battled the scale.  I was a slim adolecent, but once puberty hit, I became a fat magnet, and for as long as I can remember I thought of myself as fat.  Two years ago, I hit my all time low, or high depending on how you look at it.  My highest weight, but my lowest point emotionaly.  I had gotten used to being heavy, and guess I convinced myself over and over agian that I was OK with it, but honestly I was NOT. I was a skinny gal trapped in a fat girl's body.  I would have moments when I would "forget" and blissfully go through an hour or two just fine, then I catch a glimpse of my reflection somewhere and "remember".  Oh Yeah... YOU ate the skinny me... /sigh/

My husband also struggles with his weight, but he is a disciplined dieter and an efficient exerciser, my complete OPPOSITE.  Being the wonderful wife I am, I would always sabotage him (I KNOW shame on me), but I think that was part of my selfish self hating personality.  But, he is so wonderful, he would never say anything and always complied with my misbehavior .  It got so bad that when he said he wanted to go out with the fellas... I got SUPER excited, cause this meant I could convince him to bring me late night Taco Bell or something.. Yeah, food was ALL I could think about.  I was, am a food addict.
http://julianimal.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/greasy-food1.jpg?w=448&h=310Then one day, I believe the gremlins were a little over one, they would scream french fries EVERY time we passed the golden arches.  THAT'S when I realized.... "I'm gonna break them".  I am teaching them all wrong and someday they will find themselves just like their mom.  Ashamed to be in social situations, leaving behind things they loved to do because they no longer can, ostracizing friends for the sheer embarrassment of what they looked like, and the "looks".  Life really IS different when you are heavy. 
 I decided that from that moment on, I will do my BEST to lose weight and be healthy, and in the process support my better half.  I changed the way we cooked, I became more active, and I started NOT fighting for that parking spot right in front of the door.  I've lost 130lbs so far, and I'd LOVE about 30lbs more.  Well, while I was in the Dominican Republic this summer I lost 12lbs, unfortunately soon after returning, they found my hips again, and my thighs, and my belly (and no matter HOW I try to teach them the way back to my ass, they avoid it like the plague)... I was not too happy.  I started to think about what it was I was doing different there, since I was not dieting or excercising there, and short of just returning forever (which I'd gladly do if hubby permitted) I was stumped. 

Then, I realized we ATE different there, not just the food, but the times.  Here we consume our heavy meals at dinner time in the evening, but there it's midday.  GENIUS.  Gremlins are starting afternoon PreK, hubby is starting nights, I had an epiphany.  I'll start cooking our BIG meals for lunch, that way hubby goes to work and the gremlins go to school WELL fed.  We have been doing this for 2 weeks so far, and hubby has lost an additional 10lbs, and me? 4lb.  (But I won't dwell on that and pull out the voodoo doll just yet).  It's funny how sometimes the slightest little thing can make a difference.  I am still not adjusted to being so busy in the mornings between breakfast, getting the critters ready for school, making a huge lunch, and getting back packs etc. done... BUT on the other end, I'm not used to the slack feeling of the evenings, although it IS kind of nice to just go and play in the park for a few hours and come home to NOT having to feed the masses.
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3 comments:

  1. Totally with you, I too, have battled with weight since I was 18 and at present have started the 'dukan plan', going well. You must be so very proud of yourself for losing such a vast amount of weight?!! Keep going and your last 30lbs will disappear from your life, sooner than u might think!!

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  2. Not to mention I may have been killing your plan by giving you those venti pumpkin spice latte's with whole milk AND whipped cream!
    I recommend getting the kids backpacks ready in the evening, it will help lower the stress of the morning and bring some addtional activity to the evening hours ;-)

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  3. My biggest weight I was 300 pounds. I lost 106 pounds so far so this post really speaks to me. I found mine was b/c I was allergic to so many things (47 foods, gluten intolerant, lactose intolerant) and when I did the avoidance diet, the weight fell off! I was surprised. 106 pounds in a year! It's more than what the dietitian wants but y'know, all my foods are healthier, low calories foods. It's hard not to lose weight.

    And I eat my heaviest meal at lunch too :) It will come off! I am cheering for you!

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