Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Sleeping Disorder??

Lately nights here have been bitter sweet.  It has been 2 months since we decided to take back our bed, and move the twins into their own room, and own beds.  One of my Gremlins has had no problem adjusting to her new bedtime routine, and actually PREFERS sleeping alone in her own bed, but Star?  Not so much lately.

It has been a hard transition I think for both us.  I feel so empty without them in my bed at night.  There is a small piece of me that relishes in the peace and quiet that I get in those few hours between their bed time and mine, but it does not come guilt free.  Does that ever go away??

These past few nights, Star has been asking to sleep in my bed, which I have to deny her request.  She begs me to sleep in her bed, which I have to also deny.  Then she cries herself to sleep, pleading for her momma to give her love and affection, while my heart slowly breaks.. Night after night, my heart breaks into a million pieces.

I mean, what kind of message will I be sending them, if they keep bouncing back and forth between my bed and theirs.  I figure it would just be difficult to keep them independently in their own beds if I keep letting them into mine.  It is so difficult hearing the hurt in her cries, and having to turn my baby down.  Especially for a request that is so easy to give in to.  A request I SOOOOO badly WANT too.  It is excruciating, especially when EVERY fiber of my SOUL is telling me to grab her, hug her, kiss her, cuddle with her, and snuggle TOGETHER and go to sleep.

Then the voice of reason starts creeping in... I hate her..

She starts chiming in... "What about Luna? It really wouldn't be fair for you to creep into bed with star.  Doesn't Luna deserve your love too?  Your cuddling? Your snuggling?"

So confused.  The battle continues night after night, and I'm honestly not sure how well things are going to move forward after a week of camping...


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