Thursday, April 8, 2010

Bareing it ALL??

The beautiful warm weather this past weekend, drove home the idea that summer is fast approaching, and that means taking a little extra care of certain areas... Now, I've never waxed... other than my eyebrows, but must admit the thought has crossed my mind a few times.  I guess I'm just a little... well, let's say shy. Not an exhibitionist by ANY means.. /giggle/

The other day I went for a quick Mani/Pedi (which does NOT happen often, but convinced myself that an hour of me time was desperately necessary), and my pedicurist asked if I also wanted a wax.. Now, before any of you get any funny ideas... I was wearing Jeans, so some inopportune stragglers did NOT prompt that suggestion... hehehhe.. How embarrassing would THAT have been? but that's another post and I'm veering off course...
I politely decline, and she reminds me that summer is coming and that they offer Brazilian.. REALLY??? I think I paused for a millionth of a second, and by the time I exhaled she had a cardboard diagram showing all the wonderful artistic designs they offered.. and YES this made me giggle too.. and then I thought of her poring the burning wax onto my skin. Holy fudge face. Then the images of her placing a strip on my (god I hate this word) labia and pulling, then putting her hand on the spot to soothe it or something. OH HECK NAAAHHHH, and WHY would people subject themselves to this regulary...
Vanity truly IS the work of the Devil, and this would probably be at the top of his list of torture methods. They should just call this the SATAN..

At this point I kinda wanted to go home... You know that awkward moment... As I could feel the pressure to say YES, but thankfully, intelligence sunk it and I politely declined..  Besides... I'd have to choose a STYLE.. lol..
"Should I keep a strip, a triangle, or take it all off?"  Honestly, I don't get the little landing strip thing. Can you imagine if we shaved our armpits, but left a strip of hair. Or shaved our legs but left a hairy triangle? Squiggly lines, Checker boards.. WHY?

I asked her, "Why do people get this done?"
"To feel cleaner," she said.
"But isn't it pubic hair's job to keep things out, in essence, to keep things clean?"
"It's like getting a haircut or highlights," she said. "You're taking care of yourself."
Then she adds "You can do it for your husband"
When he comes down here and holds his manhood while you pour hot wax over it and insensitevly strip every hair from the boys (landing strip optional), I MAY have to woman up and just bite the bullet....
She admits that it DOES hurt the first time... her clients usually yell obscenities, or pray...
I can just hear it: Please Lord, give me the strength to withstand the pain of hair being pulled off of my privates so that I can go forth unto this day with a clean, porno va jj. Thank you, Lord."

Besides I'm not to crazy about my Fun stuff looking like Mr. Bigglesworth.
I know if you want to sell the house, you’ve got to mow the lawn, but the house has been sold. Besides, I'm not a bikini kinda gal.. I've birthed TWINS for Cruds sakes... a straggler or two would be the LEAST of my worries...

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  1. Oh my gosh, I was ROLLING on the floor laughing at this! Haha! Great post!

  2. HA! Honestly.. I've had a Brazilian more than once. It's not as horrible as you would think it is. And yes, I did like the result. And for the curious- no design!

  3. You are a stronger woman than me Holly.. maybe one day I'll feel adventurous.. and you can count on NO design.. or maybe a peace sign... lol

  4. lol...funny...i did get cleaned up for my wedding night...but way too much pain for what's it worth...Nair does the job...

    very funny post.


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