Tuesday, February 24, 2009

They have Laws NOW???

My husband sent me this e-mail... and I laughed so hard, I think I may have peed myself. (it's even funnier if you know my husband. a super duper passive individual...) So, I thought I'd share, so you can all get a good laugh in...what I replied to whomever wrote it is in parenthesis... hehehehe.

The Man Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear
' the rules '
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '

(can't count any higher, or take the time to prioritize?)

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

(Neither are we)
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

(It was meant to be down, get over it)

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
(so are social events with family.. if i have to put up with sports, you have to be nice to ALL the in-laws)
1. Crying is blackmail.
(So, don't cry)
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
(and when we do, we're being bitchy or bossy... sometimes it's easier when you THINK it's YOUR idea...)
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
(Remember that when you want an explanation...)
1. Come to us with a problem
only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
(if you hadn't driven them all away, I'd have some)
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
(ANYTHING you say or do can be held against you... it's an ACTUAL fact, just because you want to list your MAN laws doesn't give you the right to play judge AND jury... and if we're gonna have rules for selective amnesia... let me know..)
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
(if you think you're small, you probably are, if you doubt you've satisfied us, you probably haven't so don't ask us)
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
(You're being a hypocrite here... you want us to say what we mean, so, you need to mean what you say.. don't be lazy put some thought into it.)
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
(again it goes back to you labeling us bitchy or bossy.. or crying because you don't feel your worth.. make up your minds)
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
( We did, you STILL weren't paying attention)
1. Christopher Columbus did
NOT need directions and neither do we.
(REALLY? We're gonna use HIM as a reference? REALLY? The man was SOOOO Off his mark it's not even funny. Do you think this HELPS the cause?)
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not
A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
(AAAWWWW Only played with the box of 16 crayons did we?)
1. If it itches, it
will be scratched.
We do that.
(If it's in the way it will be trashed)
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothings wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
(When we say nothing, it means it'd take to long to get you to understand if EVER, it's not worth the hassle)
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
(We usually try and keep it simple for you anyhow, just to make you fell involved)
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...


(We really don't value your fashion opinion, WE picked out YOUR outfit for Christ's sakes.. again another instance of making YOU feel important)
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports.

(We just assume it's nothing)

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.
Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Camping? Then you won't mind NO TV

Of course this was all in fun.. I'm really not a man hater, and my hubby is my best friend... it was just meant to lighten the mood.. Hope it caused to offense..

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  1. Oh, he would SO be in my doghouse.

    Do men really think that way? I've been married to mine for 25 years and I still don't know what I've done wrong when he starts sulking.

  2. This was great. I loved all the responses. Exactly what I would have said too.

    *Clicky love* to you.


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