Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Home Alone

I have been so busy lately, and falling behind on my work, both business and housework. With my husband deployed, I've been overwhelmed with all the responsibilities of raising my 1 year old girls by myself and running the family business from home. I have found myself fighting for time that does not exist. Can anyone tell me how to stretch a day from 24 hours to 36 hours? or at least 30? I'd even settle for the secret to not getting sleepy all day and staying up voluntarily past 9PM. Mind you this is after being up 1/2 the night because your munchkins won't sleep or both wake up and think it's party time at the giggle corral so now you're up till 0400 and they get up at 0630 like it's nobody's business... The secret to functioning on 2hrs of sleep. ( I guess I shouldn't complain too much it's an upgrade from 1/2 hour of sleep I used to get). If you know these just drop them off in a comment, it'd be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

When I decided to stay home, I was 100% certain that I would NEVER put my girls second, and do my best to accommodate them before anything. This decision is coming around to bite me in the a$$...
SO, since being supermom is not working out for me, I guess the super suits just don't come in a plus size (dratz..) It's time for plan B... (don't have one quite yet, but working on it.. )

On the up side (maybe?) my mom decided to come to the rescue. As we had a cup of coffee this morning and I was giving the girls breakfast, she decided to press the issue of me letting her take the girls for 1/2 a day. Now, let me go on record saying I have absolutely no problem with my mother watching the girls, the real problem is me letting go without feeling like I'm slacking off on my responsibilities.

I know, I know.. trust me, anything you can think of, I've already told myself. I am my WORST critic, and enemy sometimes. But, today I threw in the towel and let her have my babies. Granted she is sneaky... After 1 hour of me arguing with her that I've got it under control, she had just about given up and was ready to leave, when my husband called. Did I mention she was sneaky? She took advantage of the distraction as I was really happy to hear from him, and not really paying attention to what she was doing. She packed up some diapers, a change of clothes for the girls, their milk, snack and lunch, and before I knew it she was scooping them both up. Now, these phone calls are RARE and I was caught in a position of paying attention to my husband or continue the argument with my mother. As you can tell, she won... VERY SNEAKY. I found myself strapping both girls in their car seat and kissing cold cheeks good bye as I choked on my tears and tried not to let my desperation show on my face (for them) or my voice (for my husband). Yes, I cried as I watched my van pull out of the drive way, and as expected... I can''t concentrate a lick on the work I'm supposed to do, and have nothing but babies on my mind. They've been gone for over a whopping 45 minutes, and I swear I heard them crying in the other room.
Not to mention... I should be working, and trust me THIS is not my job (I wish).

We'll have to see how the rest of the morning progresses to see if this is truly a productive idea..

Signing out... to do work... but I'll probably just end up like Tom Cruise in Risky Business dancing in my Underwear and losing what's left of my already corrupted mind..





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7 comments:

  1. I remember those days (and nights) when my girls were small. They are exhausting and frustrating to do all alone, especially when your husband is deployed. I wish you all the best. And try to enjoy your break. :-)

    Jane

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  2. You should probably just be SLEEPING right now. =)

    When I read things like this it makes me question why hubby and I are trying so hard to get pregnant. LOL

    But I know one thing ... I won't complain if my mom wants to take the rug rat for half a day. =)

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  3. I'm sure your kids are in good hands with your mom. Hope you get some well-deserved rest and your work sorted out. Take care :)

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  4. Oh Lisa...how well I remember the exhaustion, the collapsing of time to get things done and the craziness and desperation in my head. I stopped trying to do too much and changed the way I did business at home. I have never looked back and we are all much happier and relaxed now.
    Just change what you can and know that you do not have to do everything....because it doesn't work doing it that way.

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  5. Oh Lisa, You and I sound so much alike. If I knew the secret to work and supporting my family financially while spending every second of my day with my twin girls, I would have a perfect life. But since it is impossible, I settle for feeling guilty that something is being neglected. Hang in there!

    Also, I am quite sorry that you aren't making it through the night without having to get up. We went through that for awhile with Peanut & Jelly Bean and finally figured out a good naptime routine that helped with their night time sleeping schedule.

    Thanks for following my blog! I am following yours, too!

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  6. Wow, girl. I don't see how you are doing it WITHOUT full time help!! Not one but TWO little babies!! And by yourself! Wow.
    I had my son at a late age and when he was three I thought, hmmmm...wouldn't it be nice to have a baby girl??
    Well...needless to say it has been a rocky road ever since. A blessed road, but they keep me on my 43yr old toes!!
    My hat is off to you.

    Nice blog and I hope you can visit mine too (if you can find a wakeful moment ;)

    Lisa

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  7. Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving me a comment! I totally understand what you said. =) It's nice to know there are other people out there that are going through the same things as you. I'm glad I could help! I'll definitely be following you and your twins! Life sure is fun at times isn't it!

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