When I decided to stay home, I was 100% certain that I would NEVER put my girls second, and do my best to accommodate them before anything. This decision is coming around to bite me in the a$$...
SO, since being supermom is not working out for me, I guess the super suits just don't come in a plus size (dratz..) It's time for plan B... (don't have one quite yet, but working on it.. )
On the up side (maybe?) my mom decided to come to the rescue. As we had a cup of coffee this morning and I was giving the girls breakfast, she decided to press the issue of me letting her take the girls for 1/2 a day. Now, let me go on record saying I have absolutely no problem with my mother watching the girls, the real problem is me letting go without feeling like I'm slacking off on my responsibilities.
I know, I know.. trust me, anything you can think of, I've already told myself. I am my WORST critic, and enemy sometimes. But, today I threw in the towel and let her have my babies. Granted she is sneaky... After 1 hour of me arguing with her that I've got it under control, she had just about given up and was ready to leave, when my husband called. Did I mention she was sneaky? She took advantage of the distraction as I was really happy to hear from him, and not really paying attention to what she was doing. She packed up some diapers, a change of clothes for the girls, their milk, snack and lunch, and before I knew it she was scooping them both up. Now, these phone calls are RARE and I was caught in a position of paying attention to my husband or continue the argument with my mother. As you can tell, she won... VERY SNEAKY. I found myself strapping both girls in their car seat and kissing cold cheeks good bye as I choked on my tears and tried not to let my desperation show on my face (for them) or my voice (for my husband). Yes, I cried as I watched my van pull out of the drive way, and as expected... I can''t concentrate a lick on the work I'm supposed to do, and have nothing but babies on my mind. They've been gone for over a whopping 45 minutes, and I swear I heard them crying in the other room.
Not to mention... I should be working, and trust me THIS is not my job (I wish).
We'll have to see how the rest of the morning progresses to see if this is truly a productive idea..
Signing out... to do work... but I'll probably just end up like Tom Cruise in Risky Business dancing in my Underwear and losing what's left of my already corrupted mind..